if God told you to jump off a bridge...

Last night, my roommate had her bible study at our apartment. Passing through on the way to the kitchen to refill my wine glass (ahem) and head back upstairs, I overheard one of the girls (who were all beyond nice, for the record) say that she and her roommate had been looking for a new place. Her roommate liked one place and she liked another. They spent several days trying to come to a compromise when her roommate finally told her that, "God told me that we shouldn't live in the apartment that you like"....and so now they live at the apartment her roommate liked better.... Ummmm....God just told me that your roommate just owned you.

unplanned parenthood

a text from my mother today:

"setting up 4 garage sale today. went through old wallets 2 double check. glad I did. found your old planned parenthood card! hahaha!"

I'm not a fan of f.m.l....but seriously, fml.

Frequent Drinkers Club

This weekend I went back home to Northern Michigan (I hate that song by Kid Rock, btw) to visit family and also because it was a couple of my close friend's birthdays. On Friday night, the bar was a t.o.t.a.l. high school reunion...so that, naturally, involved me avoiding eye contact with many people until I was drunk enough to miss them/want to talk to them. As the night rolled on, I crossed that threshold and, according to many people, I had a wonderful time. The next morning I woke up not feeling as great as I had (allegedly) the night before. Until that is, I checked facebook and saw that I had a message from one of my high school friends [ahem]:

"omg..... lia just told me that last night....after my boyfriend threw my ass in the car...that the two of you ordered shots and you tried to pay for them with your qdoba card. priceless."

DYING. I should note that I am reaaaaaaalllly rich when I'm drunk and I probably shoo'ed away my former classmate's attempts of paying for the shots in a baller-like fashion. Of course I immediately picked up the phone and called my friend to see what the whole story was and she answered the phone laughing hysterically. Apparently, not only did I try and pay for the shots with my qdoba card, but I also ordered said shots by yelling, "bartender! give me two of the strongest shots you've got!!". After the bartender politely noted that they didn't accept the "frequent biters club" from Qdoba as payment, I laughed hysterically and told him that he should reconsider since I had a free burrito coming. Such a triumphant return from the biiiiiig city.