Public Service Announcement

I enjoy many things French: french bulldogs, berets, saying "ooh la la", pepe le pew, french fries (ESPECIALLY french fries), and speaking in a faux French accent whenever the opportunity presents itself (i.e. always). However, one of the things I cannot stand is a bad french manicure [Please note: good french manicures do exist...but they're kind of like stumbling across a Unicorn]. Bad french manicures are typically waaaaay too long, square tipped, and were air-brushed (nike swoosh and crystals optional) by an asian woman that told you, "square tip in right now!". If you find yourself wondering if you fall in the "acceptable" or "tragically tacky" range, then you most likely have/have had the tragic version. If you're STILL unsure which category you fall into (god help you) then take this simple test: 1. Do you prefer Myspace to Facebook? If you answered "yes" to this question, you definitely have a bad french mani (and you also probably are waaay too tan, have bleached white hair, "looooooove the color pink", have a bedazzled t-shirt reading "spoiled" or "princess", and regularly take pictures of yourself rocking a sideways peace sign (so as to show off your lovely nails, of course (!!!))....essentially, you're my worst fear (m.w.f.)).

Over the years, I've discovered that many people share my opinion on this topic. Much to my delight, I've even had some of my guy friends and even my dad (!!!) point out bad frenchies to me. However, I didn't realize how far the hatred had reached until picking up the most recent copy of Us Weekly [quick side bar...if you're still reading that as: U.S. Weekly, as in United States Weekly, kill yourself. quickly]. But I digress....back to Us Weekly. On the June 1, 2009 cover, the top story is about/demonizing Kate Gosselin, otherwise known as the Kate of TLC's hit show, Jon and Kate Plus 8. For those of you that don't devour celebrity smut at the rate that I do, Jon had recently been caught cheating on Kate with a much younger woman....which is awful of him unless you consider what a terrible nagging wench that Kate is portrayed as on the show. Anyways, the article goes on and on about how Kate has gone "Hollywood", is a bad mom, diva, etc. Then, Us dropped this beautiful bomb comparing Kate to the evil "Octomom": genius! genius! genius! Well done, Us, well done. You've offically gained my respect for your hard-nosed investigative journalism and my continued readership.

***side note: Kate's manicure is an example of an acceptable fm while Octo-mom, in all her tackiness, is an example of m.w.f. (my worst fear....keep up, people).

love bytes

One of my friends, who shall remain nameless to protect her good name, met this guy one night at the bar. As stories like this usually go, they hit it off, had a few drinks, and as closing time rolled around, they were on their way back to his place to...errr....roll around. The next morning was delightfully free of awkwardness and they spent the morning cuddling and chatting (and probably picking out baby names of their future children, but that's pure speculation). According to my friend at one point her new boy even took a call from his mom while they were laying in bed together....unconventional, yes, but it was an unconventional sort of morning and she took it as a sign that he was just really comfortable around her. As the morning went on, my friend asked to use his computer to check her work email and he, naturally, complied. As she sat down at his computer, an icon for his internet popped up....along with his network name: pussy-getter. She was out the door in 5 minutes without a word of explanation and never spoke to him again.

So, I realize that I have been a wee bit MIA...but I have a good excuse...I moved, am changing careers, had computer issues, and my dog ate my blog entries (...). Thanks to those of you that sent me motivating emails (read: hate mail) encouraging me to start blogging again. I'll try not to leave you hanging again (but let's be serious...I probably will at some point).

In light of said recent move and changing of careers this is a text I received last night from one of my bestest friends. (If you're a Friends fan, you'll love this, otherwise...tough).

"So my mom thinks you should get a job at a coffee shop and from there you will get a job at Ralph Lauren."

get it? get it? amazing and realistic.

we be clubbin'

Wheel of Misfortune

Since I'm both popular and 27 I was, naturally, watching Wheel of Fortune this Friday evening. A young woman had been leading by a narrow margin over another contestant for the course of the entire show. She was now leading by only $100 when it came to the speed round towards the end of the show. Now for those of you that don't have as active a social life as I do -- the speed round is essentially just like regular Wheel of Fortune rounds, only the leading contestant spins the wheel once and the dollar amount that it lands on is the going rate for all correct letters over the course of the puzzle and the contestants have to take a stab at the answer on each turn. The young woman that spun the wheel landed on $6000 (!!!), which is essentially the holy grail of Wheel of Fortune dollar amounts. Anyway, the young woman guessed R and there were four of them so she was up to $24,000 right away but wasn't able to solve the puzzle. The other two contestants were equally successful but were also unable to solve. It went on like this for two more rounds until it got back to the young woman, now up to $36,000. The clue for the puzzle was "The Great Outdoors" and the remaining puzzle looked like this: _H_RRY OR_ _ARDS. It seemed rather obvious that the answer was "Cherry Orchards" and I waited expectantly for the young woman to answer. Excitedly, she said that she would like to solve and then exclaimed, "Cherry OrGards!!!". omg.omg.omg.omg.omg. Seriously? Since the guy that formally had been trailing this girl was familiar with the English language, he easily solved the puzzle and won the whole thing. After the show, the host asked the woman what happened and she shrugged and said, "I don't know. I thought I had it". Can you imagine? She will literally be haunted by that for the rest. of. her. life.